Something really important REALLY!

I meant to put this up last Wednesday & forgot. Sorry!  I am tryna spread out my posts and be more consistent.  STOP LAUGHING! I hope to do the weekend wrap-up tomorrow. :o)

I know some folks who read here don’t like the serious posts and I try to limit them – really I do. There are really serious things going on that sometimes I feel I absolutely MUST say something or I will BURST!!


(I’m reblogging this from gatherlings, who reblogged it from  littlemissconceptions, a tumblr blog written by a fellow Baha’i in Johannesburg, South Africa. I think it hits the nail on the head as to the missing element in much of the “rape prevention advice” that is out there and the inherent double standards that don’t get talked about when discussing rape prevention.) I’ve been rather distressed during the last few months by the rapes & murders of Jyoti Singh Pandey – aka “Nirbhaya” in India – which was widely reported here in the U.S. & Anene Booysen in South Africa – which was not reported at all here. The way we talk about rape & rape prevention in our culture is CRAZY in my opinion.

How to really avoid rape

Ten rape prevention tips (In case you’ve never seen this before) :

1. Don’t put drugs in women’s drinks.

2. When you see a woman walking by herself, leave her alone.

3. If you pull over to help a woman whose car has broken down, remember not to rape her.

4. If you are in an elevator and a woman gets in, don’t rape her.

5. When you encounter a woman who is asleep, the safest course of action is to not rape her.

6. Never creep into a woman’s home through an unlocked door or window, or spring out at her from between parked cars, or rape her.

7. Remember, people go to the laundry room to do their laundry. Do not attempt to molest someone who is alone in a laundry room.

8. Use the Buddy System! If it is inconvenient for you to stop yourself from raping women, ask a trusted friend to accompany you at all times.

9. Carry a rape whistle. If you find that you are about to rape someone, blow the whistle until someone comes to stop you.

10. Don’t forget: Honesty is the best policy. When asking a woman out on a date, don’t pretend that you are interested in her as a person; tell her straight up that you expect to be raping her later. If you don’t communicate your intentions, the woman may take it as a sign that you do not plan to rape her.


While there’s nothing inherently wrong with advising people of steps to avoid being raped, sometimes people flip the advice around and use it to blame rape victims. Sometimes people find other ways to blame the rape victim for what happened to them. But the advice often given out to women also often doesn’t consider statistics that show that in 38% of rapes, the perpetrator was a friend or acquaintance of the victim, in 28% of rapes the perpetrator was an intimate, and in 6% of rapes, the perpetrator was a relative. Nevertheless, strangers commit  only 26% of reported rapes , so the measures women take are not unnecessary. Also, per some reports, one in six men are raped before the age of 18.

In my view, it is a grave injustice that women have to take so many measures compared to men to avoid being attacked. Men Can Stop Rape has done some effective campaigns to educate men about rape and their critical role in stopping it. Rape will be ended not by pepper spray or women avoiding walking alone, but when men provide more positive role models of healthy masculinity and more healthy concepts of sex dominate in our society.


Anene Booysen - She was seventeen.

Anene Booysen – She was seventeen.

Jyoti Singh Pandey.  She was twenty-three.

Jyoti Singh Pandey. She was twenty-three.


  1. I’m with you, Helen. I was infuriated when I recently heard a law enforcement official discussing the rape of a woman in one of the UNA dorms by two men by saying that alcohol was probably involved and that can keep one from being aware of one’s surroundings–more victim blaming. I have never known of a parking garage, dark alley, stairwell, or park after dusk to rape, but you wouldn’t know that by the way media reports these cases.

    I also came across this:

    The rapes in Steubenville and the associated behaviors and reactions has been disheartening and just blown my mind time after time. I recently read this:

  2. Thanks! I’m delighted that you might find something here of use to you. I *love* your blog – have been sharing your Huffington Post articles with several young ladies who talk to me about marriage….for some reason…. 🙂

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