YARN CRIMES: “When you see….”

Friends & neighbors,

in my long experience in knitting, crocheting, etc., there are a few words that almost always signal a yarn crime has taken place and another will take place if you follow this pattern or whatever to make that thing. I’m sharing my experience with you, gentle readers (all 5 of you), as a kind of public service. I think that a certain format might be useful. With a nod of thanks to Jeff Foxworthy, here goes!

Try saying this phrase out loud and fill in the blank with each word below.

“When you see the word ‘______’, you might commit a yarn crime.”

Got it? OK. And I would love for folks to give me some funny captions in the comments.


eyelash yarn

beer can



or bracelet

“So, you think that there’s a real market for D.I.Y. jewelry that looks like cat entrails huh?





If you are:

  • not currently serving as a cheerleader
  • not going to a fancy dress party
  • not ‘pharmaceutically enhanced’
  • are potty trained
  • and can read

then pom poms are NOT for you.


This is especially true if the words ‘easy’ or ‘beginner’ or ‘bulky’

appear anywhere in the description.

cute owl

If you have to tell people the owl is cute…it ISN’T.

….. and sometimes just the word ‘crochet’ can be enough.


There are those that go beyond this little word thing. I give you these as proof:

I mean this snake sock is ****beautifully made****….but WHY?!?!?!

OK, back to your life now. :o)



  1. Hilarious!!!! I was glad to see the necklace and bracelet, because EVERY time I walk past this yarn in the store I wonder WHAT THE HECK can you make of it? Now I know and now I also know I will NEVER have the need to purchase it!!!!! You don’t even get a lot of it (which, really, is a good thing, right????)

    some other captions could be “vintage” (there’s some pretty odd things out there) and “duster” (check this out and be sure to read the note!!!) http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/whimsical-duster

  2. Reply to Amy J: Yeah, usually Martha Stewart has really good taste and I don’t, but…..WHAT WAS SHE THINKING? Did somebody give her a serious Harvey Wallbanger when she was choosing her yarn line?

    I will definitely check out the link. Thanks!

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