They always seem to commit yarn crimes…..

…over at Lion Brand Yarn. I *DO* give them some respect – the last few years, they’ve really tried to spruce up their game, and I DO notice. Heck I think I might actually make this for myself:

Really, they have tried HARD – coming up with new yarns that are not polyester, acrylic, nylon, but are made from fibers that came from plants and animals and feel good to the touch and everything. But they backslide all too often; some of the patterns for the Spring/Summer 2011 line makes me wanna holler at them – “knitta PLEASE!”

Exhibit A:

Even in the picture, on this PROFESSIONALLY knitted, modeled, styled and photographed scarf – the end squares are 2 different sizes and it just doesn’t look good overall, and this is the pattern support for their Organic Cotton yarn – of which this ugly thing takes 2 skeins.  The thing must weight a TON.

Exhibit B:

This is called a Knit Shawl. This was the BEST the stylist could do? Drop it on the floor and take a picture?  Sweet Sally Melville *I* can do better than this on my worst day with a tornado on the way…..

Exhibit C:

This is a FAKE Red Velvet cake made out of yarn.

Now I don’t know about you, my faithful readership (that has recently swelled to 16 and you’ve no idea how unreasonably huge the bubble of happy I got when I saw that!) – but I cannot TELL you the number of times I have wanted a fake red velvet cake made of yarn!  Especially one with O.D. green starfish and wilted daffodils attached by blood-red twig like things as decoration…

oh Wait a MINUTE! I *can* tell you EXACTLY you how often I’ve wanted a fake red velvet cake made of yarn: NEVER.  And I’m pretty sure that it’s gonna stay that way.

Exhibit D:

This is a back  scrubber.

I’m really glad they called it that because looking at it, I would have a very difficult time telling you what it was for.  I wish I was clever like some people are with captions, because I know there’s gotta be AT least 10 funny ones for this thing.

Exhibit E:

This is called “the Darwin Hat”.  If you are unfamiliar with the Darwin Awards, then I can’t really tell you why I think that name is so hilarious!  I mean, this model is a beautiful girl, photographs well obviously, and then I look at that hat and start giggling like a madwoman.  Is it me?  Maybe I need more sleep……

Exhibit F:

This is called a “COOZIE.”

THEY don’t even know what the hell it is.

Last, but certainly not least:

Exhibit G:

The official Lion Brand title of this thing is:

*****drum roll*****

Mother’s Day Crafted Necklace

I cannot make up stuff funnier than this item.

—–

If I’m telling the truth, none of these is really a patch on the last yarn crime I posted (yes, another one of theirs), but taken as a group, I think I can say these cross the line into the yarn crime area.

OK, ok – the cake could’ve made it all by itself.

I’d love to know if any of you have a good caption for these pictures – please do put them in the comments.

Advertisements

2 comments

Comments are closed.