American Idolators: Top 12 recap (pt.2) Naughty Sex & the Rolling Stones.

****This second part is probably Not Safe For Work**** you have been warned*****

Naughty Sex and the Rolling Stones

They have a certain “Je ne sais quoi, n’est-ce pas?”

Ugly as sin and way sexier than the Beatles, though the Beatles had a different form of it…safer maybe.  Perhaps you could take a Beatle home to Mumsey, but not a Stone.  Plus they wouldn’t go.

The Stones conjure up raunchy sex as part of their musical stew.  Something you were sure your mother didn’t know about and hoped for sure she wouldn’t find out about but something yer not ashamed of in the morning.  The uninhibited,” fabulous” sex as often dreamt of, but rarely realized, especially after marriage.  Marriage wears too hard on that electrifying connection that seems to depend partly on novelty, or at least unfamiliarity.

Mick Jagger uses a Cockney accent to sing with – not his much softer Kent inflections of his speaking voice and his upbringing.  I personally find both quite sexy, but here’s the thing: Jagger believes in that Cockney accent when he sings with it; it makes him that sexy & naughty boy and so he is – even now at age 66. That Cockney rogue is not the one that got 7 O-levels and 3 A-levels as Michael Philip Jagger did at school. No, he’s the yobbo who skips school all the time and would just as soon shag yer sister.

Just look at the logo.  Good raunchy sex always involves tongue.

I think “eunoterpsian” is a very good description of the Rolling Stones attitude.  Ok, I know you didn’t go look it up so I’ll give you the definition.

Eunoterpsia:  the doctrine that pursuing sexual pleasure is the goal of life.

And the Stones still have it, even now in their elderly state.  Charlie Watts STILL has a twinkle in his eye, tho’ by now it could be cataracts….  Anyway, I wanted to grade the contestants on my own perception of their visceral sex appeal – without saying sex in the other recap post – and what I, based on the evening’s performance, guess to be their attitude towards or experience with sex.

  • Michael Lynche = 5.0

Yes, he’s done it.  A good bit and enjoyed it….but all that muscle kinda makes me think he’s compensating for something….Plus he’s got a newborn.

  • Didi Benami=1.0

She did it, but she didn’t like it. Too messy and icky.

  • Casey James=2.0

Did it, liked it, gonna do it again, but not into finesse or even raunch. Very vanilla.

  • Lacey Brown= -5

Church girl who is afraid of sex…even after marriage. Always with the lights off and just for procreation.

  • Andrew Garcia= -1000

Don’t get me wrong – I think geeks are sexy.  But this performance turned me off till next year.  Yes he’s done it, but he’s awful at it….and thinks he’s great.  Foreplay is a foreign concept to him….

  • Katie Stevens=UA

Too young for me to comment and not feel oogy.

  • Tim Urban=UA or maybe 0.5

UA stands for UnderAge.  I dunno how old he is, but I do think he’s heard of sex.  It’s NICE.

  • Siobhan Magnes=UA but really a 6.0

yep. she’s underage, but some girls just get it and she does.

  • Lee Dewyze=7.0

Done, it, loves, it, knows what to do, AND will respect you in the morning and make you coffee.

  • Paige Miles=4.0

Will do it if she really loves him and has the ring on the finger.  Is certain her mother never has done it.

  • Aaron Kelly=UA

Underage and perhaps not sure which team to try out for yet.

  • Crystal Bowersox=4.5

Done it, likes it, thinks commitment is stupid, and isn’t very good at it. Willing to try other flavors than vanilla, maybe, but she’d * rather* get high.


I won’t do this particular rating again.  it just seemed appropriate with the Stones and all.  Comments are encouraged and appreciated.


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