I’m recovering from open heart surgery two and a half weeks ago – unfortunately I have a bacterium colony on one of my incisions which is slowing the healing process.
I’ve waited a couple of days so I could start to see the humour in this. Let me tell you a little story……
I was gonna have some surgery in a different city. I wasn’t HUGELY pleased to be doing the surgery in a different city – it’s a such a hassle going through the 1000 Acre wood – but OK, I was doing it. Of course, I needed to go up to to meet the Great Sorcerer…er, surgeon…. who was going to perform this miracle upon my person;
even AFTER the Evil Gremlins….um, I mean to say the Insurance company …told us that the Magic Palace
(read: hospital) and Great Sorcerer were not of the anointed kind (read “preferred provider”)….which is freakin’ crazy because there isn’t a single magic palace or great sorcerer in the great land of A-ba-lama-ding-dong that does the kind of surgery I required, but OK! We were prepared to spin some gold out of straw or something (the oldest son is too old to give away now) to accomplish said miracle.
During the meeting with the Magic Sorcerer, I had brought along King Studmuffin
to help me remember important things, write down important things and to ask questions and stuff that I know I would forget, which he did in his most kingly and studmuffinly way.
However, I DO recall the MS saying at least 3 times the specific kind of widely available magic elixir to use on the magic incision afterward to prevent infection. It seemed important since he mentioned it so often, and since he mentioned it so often, I managed to remember it.
Fast forward to 6 days after the surgery and the fabulous health fairies are going to release me from the Magic Palace to go home and finish recovering. My parents had joined me in the other city to assist me (my mother is a magic health fairy by profession) and were also coming all the way back through the 1000 Acre Wood to help me at home for almost another week.
Just before leaving the Magic Palace, I asked King Studmuffin: “Did you get the Magic Elixir?”
He replies with a smile, “Yes.”
My mother, not hearing me ask the question before, about 15 minutes later asks King Studmuffin, “Did you get the Magic Elixir?”
He replies with another smile, “Yes.”
Just before I get into the coach (read: wheelchair) to be whisked away to the entrance of the M.P.,
the magic health fairy of the day (his name was Steve) asked King Studmuffin if he had the magic elixir, to which the King replied with a rather wintry,
On the way back through the 1000 Acre Wood, King Studmuffin told me he’d gone out and bought a “big jug” of the magic elixir and already put it into a couple of unused vessels so it would be all ready for my use. I beamed with joy.
After a week of happily using the soap, last Sunday I was feeling rather sore and I noticed the incision was looking red, yellow and drippy – NOT GOOD. I showed it to the King and he agreed. We called my mother and after talking to her we agreed that it was not an emergency, so I didn’t have to go to the local Magic Palace’s express lane right away, but I did need to see my regular conjurer on the next business day. I started to worry a little bit. After all, this incision goes all the way into my chest cavity!
Early the next day, I happened to look in the pantry (for something else of course) and I saw the big jug of magic elixir – it was the WRONG KIND!
I brought this to the attention of the King and he said it had the same active ingredients and it said antibacterial, so what’s the big deal?
WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL? WHAT’S THE BIG DEAL?
TO THE MOON, Studmuffin, TO THE MOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Well, friends, I hope to survive this – I now have the true magic elixir and a little additional ointment that seem to be helping. Actually, I’m 99.99999999999999999999999% sure I’ll survive this; but I have to say that if you have the swine flu, we can’t be friends until you’ve recovered, KTHXBAI.
I did tell King Studmuffin though: if I die from this, I’m coming back to HAUNT YOU!
(And please say some extry healing prayers for me if’n ya don’t mind. Thanks. :o)
Actual knitting content to soon follow.