Over the holiday weekend I had to go to Target – it was not voluntary, believe me. My former dislike of shopping has evolved into a near hatred, especially for the above mentioned store and that Arkansanian behemoth, Wal-Mart. Still it had to be done. As I was walking along the front of the store, between the registers and the women’s (read stick figure ) clothing department, I spotted that most skin-crawling of objects: the yarn crime.
Oh, how I longed for my camera, for surely no one would believe me! There was a grey dress: form-fitting, scoop neck, cap sleeved, done in a truly fugly interpretation of an Aran sweater. Even though the yarn used to make this montrosity was a rather cheap acrylic – it pilled even as I gazed upon it – I could hear its anguished moans. I hurried away from this only to be confronted with a whole rack of yarn crime cardigans – one half of which were avocado green. Did not we learn a thing from the Seventies? Reverse stockinette stitch with enormous buttons guaranteed not to look good on any human being ever and suitable only for melting down – oh the insanity! Methinks I can hear the wailing and the gnashing of teeth of the legions on Chinese prison workers who were forced to make these sad and tortured facsimiles of knitted garments. Or perhaps it is a sick and twisted plot by some diseased mind who hates yarn – cheap or otherwise. The mind boggles.
Yarn crime ain’t pretty, y’all. If’n you don’t believe me, make a trip over to Stitchy McYarnpants to see for yerself (you’ll need to scroll down to get to the cat sweater bag….).