Yarn crimes!!
The (by far) most popular segment here at knitting and whingeing is back….with a vengeance!
Before the horror begins, let me say that Target has learned something from their horrible blunder with last fall’s yarn crimes. I was at a coffeeshop on Monday and I saw a lovely short cardigan on another customer. Its construction/stitch pattern was a little unusual and I told the young lady how pretty it was, and I asked her if she made it. She said no – she got it at Target. I’m actually thinking of buying one so I can copy it in my own size. Sorry I don’t have a picture…. Kudos to Target!
Now, on with the show!
This actually appeared in a magazine I usually respect. If it has any worth at all (other than laffs), I guess it would be that 1) somebody got paid to make this, write the pattern, photograph it, and so on and 2) I now know that I can design stuff for this magazine because if this made it in…well, well, well! I can make crap like this too!
Who in the hell would 1) take the time to make this? Or 2) actually put it on their head to wear?
The other thing I wanted to share with you is that there is someone else (well there’s probably others but this is the one I’ve found) who puts yarn crimes on her blog. She’s MUCH better at this than I am though there are a few overlaps you’ll notice.
WARNING! (this is the aformentioned ‘vengeance’ part) DO NOT DRINK ANYTHING WHEN YOU CLICK ON THIS LINK! Unless you dig snorting coffee thru yer nose…
Oh and it’s been a very long time since I gave you this link to “Stitchy McYarnpants” – the catalog of older bad knitting.
You might wanna take some Excedrin and/or put on some shades before you peruse that site….
Enjoy.
I’m feeling better all the time…..
Hey y’all – sorry for the blog silence; I’ve been kept away from the ‘puter by my family but more importantly I have some actual knitting to take pictures of and cannot remember what I did with the special digital camera battery charger….so I was kinda waiting for that to reappear and 2 weeks slipped by.
HOWEVER, there are yarn crimes to report:
Even the model seems to have mixed emotions on this……
“Oh yes. Just the thing to throw on when heading out to the chilluns’ soccer game….”
It’s hard to know even where to start on this garment: the alien eyes located over the nipple area, the see-thru skirt or the open areas over abdomen? Boy oh boy, it sure does LOOK comfy to wear too. Well, at LEASt it’s EXPENSIVE…….
Of course, this designer has even MORE designs to show you here.
(A shout out to Marin at her very funny blog for introducing me to these criminal garments.)
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As amazingly mindbogglingly awful as the above yarn crimes are, the item for sale that inspired this post is one I saw in person today. My dear sister-in-law has been here all week helping me out and she has been just great. I decided early on that we really needed to goof off while she was here and that has proved to be a wise (but highly fattening) decision.
She enjoys going to the mall and so we have been touring some local malls and today we went to the oldest mall in the city. It’s been rather a while since I went there and many many of the stores that used to be there are gone and a few newer but rather less swanky shops have opened there. While Homeschool Kid was drooling over the used games at GameStop, sis-in-law and I got something to drink* sat down and we were able to peruse the offerings at a rather cool new shop that does a lot of wonderful airbrush painting. Of course, I was captivated by the TACKIEST thing they had:
It was the best pic I could get with my phone – I’m SO sorry you cannot see it in its full glory. It’s an airbrushed toilet seat with a portrait of………………………
……………that’s right: JOHN WAYNE.
If this had been a pay week, I probably would have bought it myself. Dad’s turning 70 in a few months and this may just be the commemorative item for that momentous occasion……
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* I totally wigged out the girl at the drink counter when I asked her for an orange sherbert milkshake. She’d never heard of such a thing, which isn’t surprising ‘cos I made it up years ago when I worked at the Mill Stream one summer. It actually has no milk in it: orange sherbert, ice and orange soda all mixed together. It tastes like a very sweet unhealthy Orange Julius. Homeschool Kid finished the last third of it, making happy noises the whole time.
Yarn Crime
This is a NEW pattern……………..just in time for Easter.
Why oh WHY are knit designers referencing the 1970’s for fashion ideas? Didn’t we all agree that the clothes in the ’70’s were the result of all the drugs done and/or lots of bad ideas? Urgh……I need an icepack for my head…and an icepick to “take out” the designer before he or she does something like this again. I truly feel sorry 1)for the knitter who made these things, 2) the model who had to put these things on and the photographer who had to take the picture.
Yarn Crimes
Why does “Couture” mean “Silly”? I mean it’s really nice yarn…but who in the hell is gonna knit this stuff?
I know so many of us who would look fabulous in this…NOT. But I think this next one HAS to be my favorite of the worst:
It’s just the thing to pop on when yer off to the chilluns’ soccer game…..Breasts need not apply.
Ugh.
YARN CRIME!
This installment of Yarn Crime is brought to you by the rather strange folks over at Rad Dudes who prove over and over (and over and over) again how horrible everyone looked in the 1970’s.
This is bad on so MANY levels…..and you know it has to be made out of acrylic. It isn’t even good knitting; I’m certain this poor young teen was scarred for life even if the only time she/he ever wore this thing was for the picture. I have to go lie down now – does anyone have a cold compress?
YARN CRIME!
Just because you CAN knit it…..
……..doesn’t mean you SHOULD knit it.
How did the model keep from LAUGHING?
(stolen shamelessly from Rose-Kim Knits.)
Amex cardholders vote for a good cause and YARN CRIME!
And you can see some serious yarn crime here...if you dare! Bring the Kleenex….
“What kind of knitter…?” & YARN CRIMES
are YOU?
I took the quiz and this is wot I got:
You are a masterful knitter! I don’t know how you got this result, but what the hell… Enjoy your title, and try selling some of your “unvented” patterns- you may make enough for that bundle of qiviut you’ve been drooling over…
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YARN CRIMES
I posted a few days ago about yarn crimes perpetrated at a chain department sore (with a red bullseye logo…). Here’s some evidence for you, but believe me, they’ve been doctored to looked much more normal than appear at the store…..
Exhibit A
Doesn’t it just turn your stomach? Even tho’ it’s doctored? Ugh, ugh ugh…….
Exhibit B
On the website, they only have it in black….so you really cannot see it in all of its awfulness ans it looks like something a human being might wear, but DON’T BE FOOLED!
Exhibit C
Again, don’t be fooled! This picture looks a thousand times better than the actual garment in person does. I wonder how much they had to payher or how many happy pills she had to take to be able to givethat toothy smile whilst wearing such a horrible thing?
Yarn Crimes perpetrated at Target
Over the holiday weekend I had to go to Target – it was not voluntary, believe me. My former dislike of shopping has evolved into a near hatred, especially for the above mentioned store and that Arkansanian behemoth, Wal-Mart. Still it had to be done. As I was walking along the front of the store, between the registers and the women’s (read stick figure ) clothing department, I spotted that most skin-crawling of objects: the yarn crime.
Oh, how I longed for my camera, for surely no one would believe me! There was a grey dress: form-fitting, scoop neck, cap sleeved, done in a truly fugly interpretation of an Aran sweater. Even though the yarn used to make this montrosity was a rather cheap acrylic – it pilled even as I gazed upon it - I could hear its anguished moans. I hurried away from this only to be confronted with a whole rack of yarn crime cardigans – one half of which were avocado green. Did not we learn a thing from the Seventies? Reverse stockinette stitch with enormous buttons guaranteed not to look good on any human being ever and suitable only for melting down – oh the insanity! Methinks I can hear the wailing and the gnashing of teeth of the legions on Chinese prison workers who were forced to make these sad and tortured facsimiles of knitted garments. Or perhaps it is a sick and twisted plot by some diseased mind who hates yarn – cheap or otherwise. The mind boggles.
Yarn crime ain’t pretty, y’all. If’n you don’t believe me, make a trip over to Stitchy McYarnpants to see for yerself (you’ll need to scroll down to get to the cat sweater bag….).
Secret Pal 13
